Not for the faint of heart...

So.  It's been a about a week and a half since my diagnosis.  I still have a hard time saying the word.  Cancer.

It's not that I am afraid of it really.  It's more like I am upset with it changing my life around.  My best friends would tell you I'm stubborn, and they would be right.  I don't want to give up the things I do, and like doing.  I may have said that before, but nothing wrong with saying it again!

Things are moving quickly.  So here's the stuff that's not for the faint of heart (it's not horrible, but some people don't like hearing some of this).  Some updates of how things have gone.

Since the diagnosis, I have had a blood transfusion because I am anemic.  I also had a colonoscopy.  I do have blockage in my colon, so I am limiting my diet to liquid and mostly soft foods.  That means homemade or store bought shakes and smoothies, very tender meats and veggies, soups, puddings, and Italian ice.  People have been bringing meals, setup by a dear friend, and it has been a blessing.  Some of my hospital/doctor visits have been longer than expected, and it has been nice not to have to come home and worry about dinner!  I still enjoy some regular foods, but I chew longer, and take colace to help keep things...um...soft.

4 days after the diagnosis, I had a mediport put in.  I did mention that in my last post.  The surgery for that went well, and I now tell people I am bionic!   It's pretty cool, in a way.  Instead of getting an IV every time, they can administer right through the port (which is just under the skin, and sewn onto my muscle in my right chest), and draw blood too.  The little poke of the access needle is way better than the IV.

My first chemo treatment was 2 days before Christmas (a Monday).  I go to the infusion center, where they do bloodwork before they access my port, and run the chemotherapy drugs for about 2 hours.  After that a nurse hooks me up to my portable pump (and a stylish fanny pack to go with it), which I then wear for 46 hours.  However, when they did my bloodwork, they wanted to set me up for another transfusion, as my counts were pretty low.  It wasn't anything to worry about before the chemo, so they set that up for Thursday, after Christmas.

Tuesday, Christmas Eve, wasn't bad, but I was starting to feel a lot of back and abdominal pain.  The Tylenol, and the pain meds I was prescribed, weren't cutting it.  I made it through the Christmas Eve service at church, but had to bow out of a Christmas Eve get together at a friends house.  It was getting worse. I didn't sleep at all that night, but unfortunately not because I was excited about Christmas morning.

The next day, Christmas, was the day that another nurse was to come and de-access my pump (they are trained in the whole sterile procedure).  Adam had a good morning, but for me, the pain, and nausea now, was getting worse.  Those are side effects of the chemo, but I didn't think it was going to get that bad.  They hadn't given me any anti-nausea meds for home, so I was just trying to power through it.  I didn't eat or drink anything all day.  The visiting nurse tried to reach the doctors on call, but couldn't work out a way for me to get a prescription for any stronger pain or nausea meds.  So, I made it through the day, and my sister in law brought Christmas to us, since we hadn't been able to travel to their house that day.  I was grateful that she brought food, but when Lisa went to eat some of it, it was all I could do to not vomit from the smell.  And not many smells bother me.

So I made it through the night, not sleeping much again, but at least being de-accessed gave me some relief.  At the cancer center the next day, we told them about the pain and nausea, and during my stay they were able to give me some nausea meds via my port, and a scrip to get some for home in tablet form.  They also gave me some pain meds via the port, and upped what I could take at home, and between that, the blood transfusion, and a liter of saline, I felt no pain, and better than I had in weeks.  Lisa got me a cheeseburger from the hospital café, and I ate that, along with some apple juice and a small diet soda.  I felt so good being able to eat!

Unfortunately, on the ride home, the cheeseburger decided to make another appearance!  I guess I had just overloaded my system a bit.  But after getting home, I still felt better, and was able to stomach some great turkey soup from a friend, along with some jello.  That stayed down.  However, I then had to fast starting at midnight, because the next day, Friday (today as I write this), I was to have an endoscopy, so they could "clear" that area as the origin of the cancer.  Thankfully, I was able to sleep, so that wasn't too hard!

So today, the endoscopy went well, and there are no signs of the cancer in my esophagus or stomach!  A friend of Lisa's went with us, for support.  I don't remember much between the time they sedated me and waking up in the recovery, other than a little bit of gagging!  But afterwards (and before), the nurses and staff were awesome.  After we left, we took our friend to lunch at Wegmans (I love Wegmans...), and then headed home.  When we arrived to drop off the friend, her husband had a cancer-fighting soup ready for us to take home - along with some bacon to enjoy with it!

So far our medical experiences (other than the reason for being there) have been awesome.  I am so happy with the Doctors we are working with, and I'd like to think my attitude has something to do with it.  

Though I am always honest, I don't find shame or sadness in my predicament.  I think that sometimes I surprise the nurses, or doctors, with my positive attitude.  Good will come of this, somehow, even if it's by the way of other people finding a way to serve others.  Not that I am asking to be served - but if God uses this that way, then Hallelujah!  We have been so blessed by the people around us, in the community, in the school, and especially in our church.  And we still want to turn around and spread that love to others.  It's how it should be.

So, the next week should be pretty "normal," I hope.  No appointments for me, no procedures, and no commitments - other than the things I want to get done for home and school, of course!  My body needs to recuperate before the next treatment - which I am hoping I can stay on top of the pain and nausea, now that I know how it's going to hit me.  I have to take more iron, and try to keep all my Nutritionals up, as the chemo will do weird things to my digestive system too.  I won't even begin to list all the stuff I am taking!

At any rate, if you made it this far, thanks for reading!  I ask that you keep us in your prayers - despite my attitude, this isn't an easy time.  There will still be challenges for us, and I thank you all in advance for the support and help you give.  But again - don't be sad for me; don't tell me you're sorry.  Just love me, however that works for you.  I restate my own mission statement during this time...

God is good.

I will be healed.

I will run again.

Truth.

I love you all.