The new normal...for now.

I am really hoping that soon I will be able to have a "new normal."  The past two weeks have been filled with tests or procedures, most often scheduled at a moments notice.  The last step before new normal, I think, we will be getting my Mediport.  After that, it seems like I will be on a two week "schedule" of chemotherapy.  The new normal.

The new normal will include wearing a pump for 46 hours, to get the rest of the meds after the initial office-visit dose.

The new normal will include me being an advocate for "getting yourself checked the heck out" when you are sick.  Don't expect me to sit back and watch you get worse.

The new normal will include me being a witness to God's love; I want to tell people about my relationship with Christ.

The new normal may mean me getting rides from different folks.  Maybe witnessing to them.

In the meantime...

I will not lie to you.  If you ask me how I'm doing - be prepared for an honest answer.
I will keep teaching; and learning; and playing when I can.  Music is God's gift to me.  He will use it to lift me up, and use me to glorify him with my talent.
I am still me.  Please treat me that way.  I am not a debilitated, withering soul.

I also don't want you, readers, to say...

"I'm sorry."  Because I may ask you what you did to cause my cancer.  Don't be sorry.
"How awful."  Maybe.  But I don't want negativity around me.
"Why you?"  W e l l . . . if not me, then who would you wish it on?
"Cancer sucks."  Maybe.  But I don't want negativity around me.
(I think you get the picture).

Those things may be true to you, but I am refusing to look at it that way.  Am I in pain?  Yes.  Am I scared.  A little.  I understand you all cope with these things in different ways.  But I am using it to God's glory, somehow.

Maybe God will use this situation (and note, he didn't cause it.  NO ONE DID!) so that I could be blessed by others.  Maybe so that others could step forward and use their gifts and talents to help me, and my family.  Maybe God will use me to bolster someone else, or witness to my doctors and nurses and aides and phlebotomists and secretaries and...you get the idea.

Right now, I am believing in four truths.

God is Good.
I will be healed.
I.  Will.  Run.  Again.
Truth:

When Jesus was about to be captured, tortured, and crucified, he prayed to God  He was scared, I imagine - despite being God, he came to us as man, and knew men's fears and trials.  

Luke 22: 41-42:
He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

By the way, my oncologist said I can be as normal as possible when it comes to physical activity:

O: "You can get out and walk, and be active.  I mean, I wouldn't run any marathons any time soon..."
Me:  "I'll take that as a challenge."

The new normal.