Right now I am sitting in my sisters bedroom, with my mom, as my sister endures. This post might strike some notes with some of you. Writing has always been my way of coping, and communicating. Sometimes it's words, sometimes it's notes. There will be rambling...
Someone recently asked Lisa (my wife) "What about hope?"
What about it? At this point, what am I hoping for? I don't mean that in a cynical way. I know that God will listen to any prayer, and it will be answered. But what are my responsibilities in prayer right now?
“Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor." (Job 11:13-19 NIV)
My hope, for my sister, is not that she will be healed. It is not that she will be pain free. It is not that she will remember me, as I sit here waiting, watching my family members that know what to do take care of her.
My hope is that she knows Christ. That she knows that there is a room in His house, waiting for her. Where she can live forever. (At this point Michael W. Smith's "Live Forever" comes to mind.) It was mentioned that maybe she's hanging on because I hadn't been home yet. True or not, I don't want that.
I also hope that my family knows that I love my sister. Living hours away is tough. I get home when I can. But how do you balance the responsibilities to your "old" family with the "new"? If there is one thing I feel, it is that I have a duty to both.
"So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Matthew 19:6 NIV)
My sister has lived with family that cares. She has 2 wonderful children, a granddaughter, and a loving husband. She will die with the same. Nothing can take that from her, not even death.
I have been sitting here trying to remember things about my sister. For a long time, she was very much my role model. I hated when she was gone at marching band rehearsal, because that meant i had more chores, but I joined band because of her. I think that turned out okay!
I remember her love of Mickey Mouse.
I remember her and my brother fighting.
I remember her and my brother pulling cat-tails out of the pond at the old house.
I remember her trusting me with things.
I remember trusting HER with things.
I remember her showing me how to wash my face to avoid acne.
I remember how empty the house felt when she went away to college.
I remember surprising her with a cake for a birthday (maybe her 18th?) with mom and dad.
I remember dad trying to teach her to mow the lawn (hahahah...).
I remember her doing 4H and how proud she was.
I remember when she gave me some music...Def Leppard, Hall and Oates, Chicago, Blood Sweat and Tears. Some on vinyl, some on cassette.
Our bodies wither, and pass away. Our soul remains. Our memories...live on in others.
"Never tell a child,” said George Macdonald, "'you have a soul. Teach him, you are a soul; you have a body.’ As we learn to think of things always in this order, that the body is but the temporary clothing of the soul..."
That's all I've got for now. Maybe more later. Maybe not.
Lisa, Bill, Me
Lisa and her granddaughter, Emily Elizabeth
